From daily dinners to weekly calls: 5 tips for staying close with your kids after the nest empties

We both had good family role models growing up so we knew what we wanted our family to become someday. Our families showed us the importance of spending quality time together—whether it was Sunday meals, helping with homework, supporting our activities or family vacations, this connection shaped our values and became the cornerstone of our own family. Read on for 5 tips to stay connected with your kids once they have left the nest.

1. Establish a call cadence

When the kids move away, life is still busy for everyone, so it’s important to establish a time when you can regularly chat. Not only are WE busy empty nesting, but THEY are busying living their best lives, too. They have college classes, studying, projects, parties, naptime and so much more. For those beyond college, they have their own jobs, social lives and families.

For our family, Sunday night works best for calls, as this seems like an extension of our Sunday evenings when they were living at home. When the kids were little, Sunday dinner was special. We prepared something a little bit more time intensive because it was a night when we weren’t shuttling kids to their activities and cheering them on at games or competitions. We always looked forward to Sunday dinner.

Now we look forward to Sunday FaceTime calls. Typically we connect on Sunday mornings to decide what time each kid is available that day. The conversations usually happen separately to give each kid a chance to talk without having to worry about sibling rivalry or discussing personal things they would rather their sibling doesn’t know. However, every few weeks we like to get all 4 of us on FaceTime together. Not only does it help keep the family connected, it also gives the kids time to see each other and talk to each other since they aren’t the best at communicating in between.

What works best for your family dynamic and schedules?

2. Plan the next time you will see them  

Before you leave a visit or they leave after visiting you, discuss a time when you’ll see each other again. This makes leaving much easier because you can begin to look forward to the next time you’ll be together.

For our daughter, we usually discuss a month when we plan to fly to Texas or discuss when she’ll come back to Ohio to visit. Sometimes we’re literally meeting her somewhere else, like in an airport, and flying together to a vacation destination. Anytime we can get with her in precious.

For our college son, we try not to be overbearing. We know the collegiate kind don’t want their parents to descend on campus too often. We get it. We were there once. They are asserting their independence and we can appreciate that. So for him, we plan one visit in the fall as we know we’ll see him again for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And in the Spring, we usually plan a Spring Break trip, so we may be meeting him in an airport and flying elsewhere. Spring Break is also a wonderful opportunity for the three of us to visit our daughter in Texas. He gets a Spring Break, she gets to play host, the kids reconnect and we get family time. Win-win-win-win! One time we even met our son in Indiana for a concert one Spring weekend. That was one for the books!

3. Send them treats and small gifts

In between FaceTime calls and visits, we like to send little surprises every once in a while. For college kids, no one ever turns down a free delivery of warm cookies from Insomnia or Crumbl Cookies. We have always sent both kids and their roommates an Insomnia delivery the night before school starts and finals week. We also send a cookie cake on birthdays. They will love you for it! We also have a tradition of sending an authentic king cake before Mardi Gras. They get to decorate it, share it with their roomies and see who finds the baby Jesus.

Other ideas include sending a card every once in a while, sending them something through Amazon or sending small gifts as you can. Anything is appreciated and lets them know how important they are to the family even though they are not with you. They might even reach out to say thank you.

How can you show your love with a little treat?

4. Invest in the digital trivia game Outsmarted

If your family likes trivia and board games, we can’t say enough about this game. Outsmarted is a digital board game you can play virtually. No matter where the kids are, we can connect with them for 30, 60 or 90 minutes to play some trivia. Although we are all pretty competitive, it’s not all about winning, it’s about the family connecting while miles apart. Fact: Our kids are 1,450 miles apart!   

Outsmarted comes with a certain amount of categories but you can purchase additional ones. Just open the app, have each family member join remotely with a unique game code and play away. You even win extra time, 50/50 guesses, extra spins and more during the game.

What digital games have you run across that could involve your kids remotely?

5. Schedule Netflix parties or parallel TV watching

Netflix parties became all the rage during the COVID, so our daughter and I used to watch Downtown Abbey together that way. But then other streaming services exploded and they didn’t all have the same “parties.” That’s when we just decided to pick an evening when we could watch TV “together.” We started the same episode at the same time and proceeded to text each other when things got good or something crazy was unfolding. I love this connection! Watching TV this way is especially welcome when someone is homesick or plain sick.

We started out watching Downtown Abbey then transitioned to Gilded Age and Jamestown. The clincher? We are eagerly awaiting the final Downtown Abbey movie on September 12. We will each attend a local showing of the movie at the same time. And no doubt there will be a lot of (clandestine) texting going on throughout the movie as the story line progresses. I just hope Eric can follow along. He just has to hold out until the later showing of Spinal Tap: The End Continues. This will be our empty nester double feature, reminiscent of our college day $1 movie double features. And it comes full circle.

What are some shows you can watch with your kids in tandem?

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We were recently introduced to the term “virtual nesting” when we were being interviewed by USA Today. The interviewer piqued our curiosity as we asked her what she meant. She indicated it’s a way to parent your kids remotely. Turns out we had been virtually nesting all along!

Enjoy your virtual nesting journey—in whatever form that has shaped up to be.