Our nest was empty… then summer happened

Santana concert with two of our lifelong friends and our son.

It’s been a hot minute since we’ve put our thoughts into words. Life happens. Kids come home from college and our focus shifts. Suddenly, taking out-of-town empty nester trips and finding exciting things to fill up our lives takes a back seat.

Our son has been home from Detroit since mid-May and we have been soaking in the time with him. Our focus turned to making sure he gets home-cooked meals in between his work shifts at the local amusement park, taking him out to his favorite restaurants on his days off and spending time hearing him laugh at TV shows in the evening or going to get ice cream (one of his favorite foods). It’s amazing how much having one kid home can fill up our lives and our hearts…even if just for these few short months.

Yup, he’s back…and so is his laundry and an extra car in the driveway. His eternally messy room, treating our family room like his bedroom and forgetting to text us to let us know where he is going with friends after work no longer grates on us like pecorino romano hitting spaghetti alla carbonara. You see, this could be the last summer he comes home. Our youngest will be graduating next May with a degree in Transportation Design. Here’s to hoping the economy picks up and he lands an internship or big boy job shortly thereafter. Another one will fly the coup!

Whether you have a rising sophomore or rising senior, it does take some re-adjusting when your college student comes home for the summer or even for the holidays.

Here are a few tips to make life smoother when they do make a re-entry.

Set expectations upfront when they first get home. 

They are exerting their newfound independence after having been away all year, but now they are living under your roof again. Let them know what your expectations are for just about everything. This goes for things like what you’ll pay for, what you won’t pay for, how many hours you expect them to work or how much money you expect them to earn over the break, what chores you want them to undertake, laundry (and that they should be doing it and removing it from the laundry room promptly), to respect our house and not leave things around for days on end and so much more. They can’t live up to your expectations if you never set them.

Open Lines of communication.

What we’ve learned from having two kids away at college is that communication is a two-way street. And not communicating has its consequences. Just ask our son.

We told him when he came back from college for Christmas the first time that it isn’t acceptable to not respond to our texts. Even just a thumbs up is good for us. Signs of life, ya know? We let him know if he doesn’t respond for a day, we’ll call campus security. One time we couldn’t get ahold of him for hours. Eric didn’t hesitate to pick up the phone. He dialed campus security and they showed up at our son’s door minutes later for a welfare check. Turns out he had left his phone in his apartment kitchen while he focused on a project at his desk in his room…for 8 hours. That is the interesting thing about some kids with ADHD. They get hyper focused on things they enjoy then shut out the rest of the world.

All that to say that they are used to being out at all hours and not reporting back in to anyone. They are used to doing what they want when they want. But now they are home. And we are not taking all that away, they are adults. We just need a text letting us know where he is going and about when he’ll be home…and perhaps most importantly, if we should save him dinner. It’s a common courtesy, because the reality is we will never stop worrying.

Schedule mealtimes with your kiddo. 

They appreciate that more than you know. Whether it’s the dish they miss the most when they are away or a quick trip to Chipotle, it’s the time together that matters. Most of our best conversations happen over meals. The experts say that regularly sitting down to “break bread” is one of the healthiest things you can do as a family. Both of us grew up doing this and that was easily one of the most important things we wanted to continue to do when we became parents.

Eric and our son trying their best for some catfish at a local lake.

Make time to do things together while they’re home. 

Just because they are independent adults it doesn’t mean they don’t want to spend time with you. You know what they like to do! Now find a mutual time to do it. It could be shopping, movies, concerts, fishing, a trip to the library, festivals, record stores, whatever piques their curiosities. Spending time with them is one way to show them how much you love them and care for them. We genuinely love spending time with our kids…especially now that there isn’t as much time together.

Tell them you love them.

Never stop telling them. They do hear you. Every once in a while, you may even hear it back.

---

We’d love to hear your funny stories about your kids returning home from college. Or we’d like to hear the expectations or rules you’ve set in your homes. We’re all in this together…and we will survive!